How To Sin Effectively

» Posted by on Feb 4, 2013 in Humor

How To Sin Effectively

Sinning is hard work.

We’ve been ingrained with all sorts of moral behaviors from an early age. Society upholds these ethical standards through negative reinforcements like detentions, suspensions, and incarcerations. Movies and television also join the party hitting us over the head with concepts of right and wrong.

It’s a lot to overcome.

Sinning goes against the grain. You can’t expect it to just happen all on it’s own. If you want to sin effectively, you’ll need to follow these next steps or you’re liable to end up another casualty of the pervasive ethical norm:

1) Don’t Call It Sin

The first step to sinning effectively is not to call it sin.

Pretend your desire to do wrong is actually something good. Never ever call it sin. Find something more palatable to your conscience like “being true to yourself.”

Once you start believing that your sin is actually good and normal, you’ll find it much easier the next time.

2) Baby Steps

It’s rather hard to jump into the big sins right away. You probably have a lot of built up defenses. Social stigmas block your way.

Instead, start small. Don’t get down on yourself that your itty bitty sins aren’t getting you anywhere. Keep it up and you’ll see.

Eventually all your little sins will add up to something delicious.

3) Rationalize

As long as you can come up with a reason, you get away with anything. Make sure you can think of at least 5 plausible reasons for your actions.

This happens all the time in movies. Formerly ethical people become cold-blooded murderers given a reason or two (kidnapped daughter, unjust health care policy, zombie apocalypse, etc.) Find your reason and you’ll find sin will follow quite naturally.

Justifying your sin just takes a little mental gymnastics, but it works every time.

4) Forget Anything You’ve Ever Said

So you’ve said some things in the past.

Chances are you’ve made moral claims about something or expressed concern over the dubious actions of others. If you’re going to sin effectively, you better not remember anything you might have said in the past that might compromise your ability to sin in the future.

You’ll need to be purposefully forgetful to avoid compromising your actions. Humans want to be consistent, but this is just something that has to go.

Delete any old blog posts and Facebook statuses as needed.

5) Seize the Moment

Thinking about the future consequences of your actions can really hinder your ability to sin in here and now. Sin flourishes best when you don’t think about how it might affect you down the road. Go with what feels right and try to avoid any self-reflection.

One of the biggest barriers to effectual sin is future consequences. Fear of reprisal will choke all the sin right out of you. That’s why it’s best to just focus on the “feelings” of the moment and not the repercussions later.

6) Remember: God Is Too Busy

God is too busy to notice your minor failings. He’s busy with constellation forming and planning out the next multiverse to care about your ethical failings. Don’t believe he cares, because once you do your sin is doomed. Don’t think God will care about what you’ve done or even if he did that he could forgive you.

Beliefs like these are absolutely destructive to your sinful lifestyle.

Forgiveness is not compatible with sin and so you must reject it outright. God is too busy for things like that. And if you don’t believe that, well you can wave goodbye to your sinful effectiveness.

Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons