I think my roses hate me. I realize how absurd, paranoid, and just plain ludicrous this sounds, but from all appearances they are against me. Like disgruntled citizens using tweets to organize a coup against a dictator, my roses conspire to revolt against living in our yard. I know this because of how they look. Each plant has only a few frail blossoms. Their leaves have turned yellow with black spots and worst of all, they refuse to grow, thrive, and ultimately to like and bend to me, their gardener.
If just one bush’s’ health was failing I would understand. However, almost the entire back yard is populated with these fickle flowers that all seem on the brink of plant suicide. So what’s wrong with them, or should I say what’s wrong with me? Making matters worse, Berkeley is covered with gardens adorned with thriving, colorful, healthy, happy populations of roses. They are everywhere. The city is full of them.
In my opinion my roses have no reason to dislike me. I thought I knew what roses like: attention. They thrive on a combination of plenty of sunshine and water, a little moat dug around them for adequate drainage, rose food, and fungicide spray. Roses also like to be pruned occasionally. All of this I have done with no success even using Miracle Grow rose food. Our yard gets plenty of sunshine so I cannot blame the solar system either.
Okay, so maybe I neglected them just a little last week when I was busy. But they just seem to stare at me with their droopy little buds and withering branches as if to say: “We want another gardener!” This demand really stings in a city where I see orphaned roses growing through old sidewalks, thriving with little or no attention given to them.
Now I know what you’re thinking. The reasonable thing to do would be to give up, accepting the fact that I am not destined to grow roses and trying something requiring a little less maintenance, like a Chia Pet (Google that if you don’t know what it is ) or a small herb garden on the window sill. That’s not going to happen any time soon. These sweet smelling petal monsters do not know who they are up against. I consider myself a very persistent person – except for the times when I give up.
Therefore I am determined to win this battle. Soon, the Roses vs. Janet score will change in my favor. I plan to make things right and give them another try in the next few weeks. My roses are going to get more love and attention than ever before and will have whatever they need to grow. No Chia Pets or window gardens for me. My roses are going to be the happiest most beautiful flowers in Berkeley, or at least on the street where I live. So go ahead backyard roses: It’s on!
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