What is the meaning of life?
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear, does it make a sound?
Can you step into the same river twice?
These are among the perennial questions that have entertained philosophical and scientific minds for centuries. And yet for the female population, there is a greater mystery beyond explanation. It is a peculiar puzzle that even brilliant brains like Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, and Stephen Hawking have likely overlooked: Women have nothing to wear.
What makes this everyday challenge unique is its numerical aspect. Do the math. Regardless of the quantity of clothing items women have in their closets, it always adds up the same: 0. How is it possible to search through a closet full of garments and still find nothing to put on?
It is fair to say that men are not immune to fashion crises and that not every woman struggles with this problem. For some, getting dressed is as simple as putting on a pair of jeans, a T-shirt, and a hoodie and you’re out the door. It is certain that for celebrities like Mariah Carey, who’s walk-in shoe closet is larger than my house, this is a non-issue. But the websites devoted to this issue, and a popular television show dedicated to what not to wear, indicate that something is wrong.
Personally, I believe that women’s clothing challenges can be traced back to Adam and Eve, when, because of their disobedience, God cast them out of the garden and then put clothes on them. This incident leads to the first fashion crisis when Eve discovers she’s not happy with what she is wearing. Eve has a difficult time as she rummages through the forest in search of stylish foliage garments. One can almost hear the course of the conversation between Adam and Eve on a typical morning as she “gets dressed.”
Eve: “Do these palm leaves make me look fat?”
Adam (if he is wise): “Of course not. I think they look great on you!”
Eve: “But what do think about this agate necklace? Does it go with my leaf outfit or should I wear the Hibiscus broach?”
Adam: “I think you should definitely go with the necklace.”
Eve: “Actually, I don’t think these palm leaves look good on me. I’m going to have to find something else. The green color “washes me out.”
Of course, one can’t ignore the silver lining in the cloud of closet despair. Over time Eve’s fashion concerns helped to inspire what we know as shopping. Now women everywhere have a great excuse to be free to do what they love: shop. Retail clothing stores in the bay area like Nordstrom’s, Neiman Marcus, and Macy’s, not to mention exclusive specialty shops carrying designer brands, could never survive if we thought for one minute we had anything to wear. It’s this closet madness that keeps the lucrative garment industry functioning. They owe their thanks to people like me, who every time they look into their closets, see absolutely nothing, zero, zip, nil, naught, zilch, nada, to wear.
More Posts Like This One:
Stay Updated
Blog Authors
Recent Comments